Monday. Baking Day.*

It's sleeting, there's eight inches of snow outside, and my giant snow head is looking increasingly like the Toxic Avenger or the guy with half his brain on the outside in Total Recall. The pub across the road is closed, so our options are limited to do work, study, or bake. Or watch Rachael Ray. Bake it is.

I think that lots of people can't or don't bake because they are put off by that one time in Year 9 when everyone in home ec had to make muffins and they were awful, and they were awful because there is a good deal of terminology and lots of sneaky insider tips that aren't always made explicit. Hopefully these recipes are a bit easier to decipher. Like most baking, they boil down to add wet stuff in Bowl B into dry stuff in Bowl A, mix just enough to combine the two, and then cook (and lick the bowl).

* Dear advertising people: I would love to have this TV ad back again. That and the ones about hairy, garish, mannish Marge.

For the baking impaired: Golden Flapjacks

If an ANZAC biscuit and a muesli slice had sweet sexy times, then this would be the offspring. This recipe requires no special secret baking knowledge.

Bowl A (Dry)
1 cup rolled oats
¾ cup white flour
½ cup coconut
1 cup soft brown sugar, packed down
½ cup chopped dried fruit, like dates or apricots (optional)
1 teaspoon cinnamon (optional)

Bowl B (Wet)
125 g butter
3 tablespoons of golden or maple syrup (a bastard to measure; I usually guesstimate)
1 tablespoon water
½ teaspoon baking soda

Preheat the oven to 160°C. Line an 8 x 8 inch baking dish with baking paper – or you can just grease the dish and risk it. In a large bowl (Bowl A) combine the dry mix ingredients and make a little well in the middle. Put the butter, the golden syrup and the water in a saucepan (Bowl B) and heat gently, stirring occasionally, until everything has completely melted together – alternatively, do this in the microwave. Add the baking soda to the butter mix then stir until it's dissolved and somewhat frothed up, which will help the slice rise a little. Pour the wet stuff into the dry stuff and mix thoroughly – it can get a little dense, you may like to use your hands.

Press the mix into the prepared dish and bake for 35 – 40 minutes. It will wobble a little when you pull it out but will settle down once it sets. Good wrapped up in individual bits and stored in the freezer for school lunches, just like your Mum used to do.

For those who like licking the beaters: Banana Bread


I like this recipe because we never have milk in the house but there are always a couple of dodgy bananas. This also tastes very good the next day.

Bowl A (Dry)
2 cups self-raising flour (or 2 cups plain flour + 2 teaspoons baking powder)
1 teaspoon mixed spice or cinnamon

Bowl B (Wet)
150g butter
1 cup soft brown sugar, packed down
2 eggs
2 sad bananas, mashed

Preheat the oven to 180°C. Line a large loaf tin with baking paper, or grease it up and hope for the best. Combine the flour and the mixed spice in a large bowl (Bowl A). Make a little well in the middle. All this baking is exhausting, have a wine – hello, Countdown Wine Sale.

In a medium sized bowl (Bowl B), soften the butter in the microwave – go slow, you don't want it melty. Add the brown sugar to the butter and using an electric beater (or your impressive Popeye arms) cream the butter by whipping it on a high speed until it looks fluffy and has turned lighter in colour. Add one egg, beat thoroughly; do it again. Add the banana and mix everything up thoroughly.

Tip the contents of Bowl B into Bowl A and mix slowly but thoroughly – this will be a very thick mixture. Blob it into the prepared loaf tin. Bake for 35 minutes, then pull it out and stick it with a skewer or a sharp knife – if it comes out clean, you're good. Otherwise, stick it back in the oven for another 5 or 10 minutes. Let it cool before you slice it or it will crumble everywhere, what a waste.

I can never let well enough along so I tend to top loaves or muffins like this with a sugary sprinkle – in a small bowl combine 1 tablespoon of granulated sugar, 1 teaspoon of cinnamon, a little bit of lemon zest and some very finely chopped or ground nuts and sprinkle over the top of the loaf before you cook it.

A word about bananas: Sad bananas can be stored in the freezer and are good for loaves and muffins. The skins will go a horrible dark brown, but the insides will be wonderfully mushy. If you are of the opinion that eating animal products is bad, mmkay, mashed banana can be used as a binder instead of eggs in cakes and breads – use half a mashed banana per egg, plus ¼ teaspoon of baking powder if you want something a little fluffier.