Last year I gave up on buying people Christmas presents and decided to stuff them full of sugar instead. This was a genius idea. I got to spend the day in the kitchen eating cast offs, they got little ‘bespoke’ packets of things that, in turn, made them look good when placed out on platters for guests, and no money whatsoever was spent on vouchers for stupid chain stores.
Both of these recipes are designed so that little kids can make things without having to boil sugar, keep a sharp eye on things or maim themselves for life as hot sugar burns like napalm. It also means you don’t need a lovely candy thermometer, although they are also fun, if for no other reason that they have ‘soft ball’ written on them. Make a bunch, store it somewhere secret, and impress your friend(s) with a liberal dose of ‘here’s one I prepared earlier’.
Chocolate ‘fudge’
I have seen about eight versions of this recipe, all claiming it as their secret family recipe, which generally means that one of them’s lying or all their parents got it off of the back of the same chocolate packet. This is not mine. I stole it. I just don’t remember where from.
The stuff:
- 1 can sweetened condensed milk
- 3 cups finely chopped chocolate (dark or milk) or chocolate chips – Whittaker’s is better than Cadbury, and fancy pants stuff from gourmet shops is best of all.
- A big pinch of salt
The optional bits:
- 1 cup of chopped soft nuts – eg walnuts, macadamias (hard nuts won’t slice well, who thought I’d ever get to write that sentence)
- OR 1 cup of chopped dried fruit (eg cranberries)
- OR 1 cup of something peculiar like pic n mix or mini marshmallows
- OR a big pinch of chilli
- AND a splash of vanilla or other essence
Line a dish (eg an 8x8” pan) with baking paper. Very gently, on a low heat, melt together the sweetened condensed milk, chocolate and salt in a saucepan. You could rig up a double boiler for this, or use the microwave, or you could just watch it very closely else it will BURN and you will go to the special part of hell reserved for those who ruin chocolate (see: those people who make ‘chocolate’ coins). Remove it from the heat and add your bits, stirring well.
Pour the whole lot into the pan and let cool – not in the fridge, somewhere else cool and dry. When you come to slice it, if you haven’t already pillaged most of it, run a large knife under the hot tap to warm it up, wipe the blad dry, then slice. This warm knife trick is also good with slices and cakes, my gift to you. Store in an airtight container, somewhere cool and dark, away from nibblers.
Rice bubble marshmallow slice
I quite like when this recipe goes wrong and you are left with pink molten goop.
- 8 cups rice bubbles
- 2 bags of marshmallows
- 110g butter
- Anything else you would like to add – chopped dried apricots, M&Ms, chocolate drops
Line a baking dish, natch. In a large glass bowl in the microwave, or on the stove in a medium sized saucepan, gently heat the marshmallows and the butter while stirring until they have melted and everything is looking creamy and delicious. Remove it from the heat (or the microwave) and add the rice bubbles and bits, a cup at a time, stirring to combine (or all at once, I've heard it both ways). Struggle to extract it from the saucepan and press down into the lined baking dish – you may want to use gloves or a big sheet of baking paper to put some pressure down on it. If you’re fancy, you can drizzle a bit of melted chocolate over the top. Cool, slice, eat – and soak the saucepan well before even thinking about cleaning it or making someone else clean it.
A word about cold things: the fridge is not a dry place, and things like these sweet bits, and also lots of other confectionary, should be stored somewhere else or in an impeccably airtight container. Little beads of fridge sweat on chocolate fudge give me the abject willies.
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